FCK'D
by Pachi
Summary: Congratulations Kenny. You've just woken up from death as a woman. How does this make you feel? M for sexual situations.
1. Intro

The first time Kenny died, he wasn't scared. Life was done, simple as that.

When he came back, he was terrified. Then he calmed down. Got over it.

Second time, it was nothing. He stopped caring when he came back.

Third time he decided it was a cycle.

Every time after that, he expected to come back. Even if he didn't come back right away, he did in the end.

So he just relaxed.

-

This time though-

he came back as a she.


	2. One

Kenny groaned as his alarm went off. He was alive again. Always woke up in his bed- never quite understood why he didn't have to crawl out of his grave or whatever. He always got burried so how the hell was he in his bed when he woke up?

God was weird for that. Hell God was weird for bringing him back every time.

Not that he was complaining.

--

He had to piss- standard thing to do in the morning. You had to do it.

So he walked into the bathroom and took off his boxers and grab his dick so he could aim.

Well, his dick wasn't where it was supposed to be.

Upon looking down, he realized it wasn't there at all.

Then he noticed that he had tits.

Girl tits.

Tits that would've given him a hard on if they were on anyone else.

Not that he could _have_ a hard on right now.

He put his hand between his legs and felt around.

Yep. He had a vag.

It took a moment for it to all sink in. More than a moment- he was taking his sweet time "investigating" his womanly organs.

Then he stopped because, well, he knew he wasn't dreaming.

He looked at his boobs again and just _stared._

"Fuck."

--

---

Kenny had come to the conclusion that this would make his friend's day if they knew so he tried his best to hide it. He got dressed as he usually would- hell he didn't know what the hell he was going to do otherwise, and pulled on his parka. This crap would go away- wouldn't it?

... Actaully it probably wouldn't. Not until he died again anyway.

_Maybe I should just jump off a bridge..._ He contemplated that for a moment, and then decided against it. Two reasons for that:

One, if he survived the day, it would be fun to play with his new body.

Secondly, he might come back as a girl again anyway.

--

Stopping at the bus stop with his parka hood pulled tight like it usually was, he muttered the usual greeting of "hey," which received a "hey Kenny" back.

There was silence like there usually was while waiting for the bus- nothing to talk about. Stan wasn't having issues with Wendy or whatever- hell he wasn't having much of anything with her.

So it was quiet.

--

---

Kenny was quiet up until he got called on to answer a question. He answered through his hood like he usually did, barely avoiding getting found out.

--

"You okay, Kenny?"

Kenny just raised an eyebrow at Stan, trying to avoid talking at all costs. _That_ would be a giveaway too.

Waaay too high of a voice. He slid a cigarrette out of his pocket, put it in his mouth and lit it without a word.

Stan gave up for the moment.

--

---

The second day of this gender-bender hell started off the same. Get up, try to piss, fail at it, investigate female organs, blahblahblah.

From the previous day, he discovered that boobs bounced and they fucking hurt.

Unfortunately, he couldn't do jack-shit about it.

So he went to the bus stop as usual.

And he was just a little too quiet.

"The fuck's wrong with you, Kenny? Did you get AIDS from some whore?" Cartman asked, being a smartass and slugging Kenny.

Sorta.

Cartman missed a little and hit Kenny in the chest where he shouldn't have had anything substantial.

And there was something substantial. And Cartman noticed.

He stared at the blonde and Kenny decided it would be a _really_ good time to run the hell away.


	3. Two

Kenny was having a moment of "I'm so screwed" as a tree? Not very good cover. Not to mention it could fall and like, kill him. He wouldn't put it past nature.

Running through a list of places to go, he realized he was doomed. Very, very much doomed.

Couldn't go home, couldn't hide at the park, couldn't hide anywhere because dammit everything was truancy or some crap.

Then he got an idea.

Obviously it was God's fault that he was a woman. Had to be-- who else could be to blame?

So perhaps a visit to Jesus was in order.

Pulling up his hood and zipping his parka all the way, he made sure he was all covered, and no one would be able to see the newfound womanlyness.

He'd kill himself before that happened.

--

Kenny knocked and Jesus answered almost instantly.

"Hello, Ke--"  
"Tell me why I'm a woman. Right now." Time for Jesus to greet? Hell no. Kenny wasn't in a polite mood. Didn't matter if it was Jesus or the president. He had parts that he shouldn't and dammit it pissed him off.

Not to mention his pride was getting kicked. Sure he was poor and whatnot-- didn't mean he didn't have any pride. He had... some.

And that 'some' was getting kicked in the balls. No points for touching a woman if the woman's you.

Jesus sighed, "Come in my child. I'll explain."

So Kenny followed Jesus in.

Walking, walking Jesus tells his secretary to hold all ca--

"When'd you get a secretary?"

"One question at a time."

Kenny stared. Like that made sense but whatever.

Coming to Jesus' livingroom, Jesus sat down in an arm chair, and Kenny sat on the couch.

"You're wondering why you've returned from the dead as a woman, my child?"

"Yeah." Not the time for sarcasm... or a lot anyway...

"Well Kenny, Father got a little tired of bringing you back."

"... So stop bringing me back?"

"He says you're too reckless."

"That semi went off the damn road! Two MILES off the damn road!"

Jesus ignored him and continued, "He decided it would be best to teach you to be less reckless."

_He's shitting me right?_

"So you're going to stay a woman for awhile."

"..."

"He's not sure how long this will be."

Kenny stared.

And stared.

"... You're fucking with me right?"

"I am not."

"I'm going to go--"  
"You can't kill yourself. God's telling me you should be happy that he didn't change your body weight when he brought you back."

"... What?"  
Jesus didn't answer. Jesus waved him out instead, and Kenny was back outside.

Kenny decided that despite the fact he should be at school, that home was somehow a safer option.

So he headed home, and into the house, up to his room, locking the door.

Dad? Passed out on the couch.

Mom? Somewhere else.

Anyway, he was alone.

So he thought a little.

The hell did he mean about body weight?

_Think Kenny. This is somehow important._

Think about girls. Girls with meat on them had racks... which was really good--

skinny ones didn't.

Skinny ones like _him._

Dots connected.

God was threatening to give him bigger boobs. No more 'Kenny looks half starved.'

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Time to be very paranoid about where he went and what he did so he wouldn't die. Again. And go up a cup size.

Boobs-- they were great. As long as they were on actual GIRLS.

And these hurt bad enough-- and they were small. Small as in 'if I saw a girl with boobs this size I wouldn't tap that.'

So maybe there was a reason girls wore bras other than teasing/making them bigger.

Kenny came to the conclusion that he might actually need one.

He peeked down his shirt at his boobs.

He was fucked.

* * *

_**Oh my god I updated.**_

_**I'll try to update this more regularly now?**_

_**~Pachi  
**_


End file.
